25/01/04
Alot to update but most of it's in the forum.
What can I say but it's been a hell of a week. Truly ghastly. Don't want to print anymore dirty laundry up here I think the last post was enough for quite some time.
However, a belated Merry Christmas, Happy New Year etc. everyone. Hope your year is going much better than mine is at the moment.
Next update will hopefully be brighter. However, if you're interested in seeing some new photographs and more personal details, have a look in the forum.
Cheers All,
Kimberley :)
27/11/03
"Official Gripe Moment of the Year"
Another month has passed and I figured it was about time to update my page again. I have no idea how many people actually come back here to read it or not, as the counter we had is now non-operational. But hey, what the heck, here we go with another monthly instalment of "The World According to Kimberley". So sit back and be prepared for one of the longest whinges kept inside - I have to let this out or I'll burst. ;)
The suprise we had been keeping under wraps was that we were moving. My parents made it unbelievably difficult to remain where we were. We had no privacy and my mother stuck her nose in to our business with the surrounding neighbours to the point of having the neighbours calling them with every detail that was going at our place. So to break any and all control my parents had over me and my life I decided it was time to leave. Make my own decisions without worrying about their approval or interference. Take a stand on my own two feet. Well you can only imagine the uproar that ensued.
This was all based on a telephone conversation where she told
me I had to work harder to make more money and yet she was disappointed that
I didn't stop by for coffee like I used to. I explained to her I didn't have
the spare time that I did before because I was working harder. Did
she want me to work harder or stop by for coffee? If she wanted me to stop
by for coffee then she would have to expect that I couldn't work as hard in
order to find the time to do that. And not only that, she could always stop
by the house to see me. Why did I always have to drop everything I was doing
to go to her house? So where logic prevails here, she couldn't talk her way
out of it and so that means someone must have been feeding me what to say
because I obviously wasn't smart enough to figure it out on my own.
The next issue she was upset with was the fact that my step-dad told us that
if Gavin and I were to marry that we couldn't expect them to help us in any
way monetarily. So Gavin and I took it upon ourselves to pay for everything
on our own. We had been expecting to get married the year earlier so plans
weren't that stressful, we knew what we wanted just weren't sure if we could
have it, as time was an issue. We found out on the 30th of April that the
date of the 7th of June (the same date we wanted a year earlier) was still
available for the Reverand to marry us. So that left us with just a little
over a month to see if we could still find and book all of the stuff we wanted
from earlier plans. Wedding dress, tuxes, best-men, bridesmaids, their dresses
and suits, flowers, banquet hall, invitations etc. Because we were paying
for it all on our own and on such a short time frame, Gavin and I did everything
ourselves. I picked out my wedding dress on my own and that's where trouble
started. My mother had the nerve to give me crap over that. She said that
even though she and my step-dad weren't paying for anything, that she still
had the right to go and pick my dress out with me. I think not. !!! Same with
everything else. If she had simply asked and shown some respect I would have
loved to have had her there but she took the stance of a spurned child and
simply lashed out. I had enough stress as it was without her adding to it.
This resulted in her and my step-dad not attending the wedding. And you know
what? I think the wedding was a much nicer affair for them not being there.
Sad thing is the managed to convince my grandmother not to attend as well.
Isn't it a sad thing when you start pitting family members against each other
just because you're feelings are hurt.
When I asked her why she wasn't going to attend I was told that "Gavin and you were keeping this wedding a secret and that we weren't invited" I told her that it wasn't a secret and that the wedding invitations were mailed to everyone as soon as we were able to get them out. Apparently, when I asked my grandmother *who incidentally received her invitation in the mail before my parents* to keep the invite quiet because I wanted it to be a surprise for my parents to receive their invitation, my parents assumed I told her not to tell them at all.?? Geesh. Nothing a simple phone call couldn't clear up. However, when I did call to see if they were attending we were told "We'll think about it" and later we received the rsvp from both my parents and my grandmother saying "No - we will be unable to attend". No worries, less food to order right? I was sick of their childish behaviour.
Anyway, getting back to things... my mother assumed because we were planning our wedding for the year earlier that these plans were still ongoing for the new date and that we were plotting to keep it a big secret. I asked her where she got the information and she said off the internet. My mum hasn't the foggiest idea of how to turn a pc on, let alone how to search the internet, yet she managed to find a site called "The Wedding Channel" where, yes, admittedly I registered our forthcoming wedding a year earlier. But as things progressed, I had been so busy that I had neglected to update that that wedding was postponed and in all actuality I had completely forgotten about the site until she mentioned it.
Then comes the kicker... I had to go in for some bloodwork not that long ago. I get a phone call from my sister telling me that my grandmother heard I was pregnant???? I have no idea how she might have gotten that impression as I hadn't spoken to her or my parents since the wedding. All I could figure was that my grandmothers neighbour who works in the lab where I had the bloodwork done, had called my grandmother and told her I was in for bloodwork. Yep, great hospital confidentiality hey? Regardless, my sister had no idea I was going in for bloodwork it was news to her. But why did my grandmother call her? She had our phone number, logically wouldn't she call me to ask? Apparently not. You see my family has this thing where they refuse to ask the person they have direct issues with to discuss them. They have the need to go around snooping and getting the wrong information and then drawing up their own conclusions.
Finally, the last straw. My parents actually adding up each and every cent they had ever spent on me from the time I was 18 years old and left the house to present me with an invoice of roughly $33,000.00? Yeah right. Nice hey? I suppose I could hand them a bill for spending time with my son, time spent with me, Christmas gifts, grief for their horrible parenting, constantly running my life, never telling me anything I did was good enough etc etc. But hey? What would that do? Absolutly nothing because I know I'd be told, did you have any of this in writing? I'd say no and anyone with half a brain would say, then you're s.o.l., if it's not in writing then it's considered a gift and you'll just have to suffer your losses and learn from your mistakes.
I've given my parents ample opportunity to get in touch with me to see my son by writing letters updating them on what's going on in our life, offering her a promise that I wouldn't hang up on her or be anything less than respectful toward her if she should call to arrange time to see my son. What I was met with was my parents calling my exhusband and trying to arrange to see my son through him. Can you believe it. So I asked Chris to please tell my parents that they should call me to arrange to see Carter and to please leave him alone. After all he is their ex son-in-law right? I also remember my parents going on and on about what a dirty rotten asshole my ex was and that I was a better person for leaving him and that he had a gambling problem as that must be where our money was being spent etc etc. And now he's the greatest thing since sliced bread because well, he has the power to say "yes" to them seeing Carter. The thing is, that if they called me and asked me, I'd be happy to let my son see them. I would never do to my boy what my mother did to us as children by depriving him the chance to see his grandparents.
You see, my sister and I were told when we were growing up that my dad's parents who lived just around the corner from us, were so uninterested in having us as grandchildren that they couldn't be bothered to call or stop by. Years later we come to find out that they did try, quite a few times but were met with an angry bitter woman who was using her children to hurt them. Nice hey? So I vowed I would never do that to my son. If I have anything to say about my parents, it's always when my son is not around. I've always done that with anyone. My son is smart enough to figure out what family members are like without me taiting his views. I mean if he loves my parents and wants to be around them, who am I to interefere. Unless of course I found out there were abuse issues etc.
I've also come to find out a few other interesting things. Things I have seen with my own eyes, that my mother has written about my father and what happened to their relationship. Some day I'll have to scan those pages in there so that those who are curious to see the truth can tune in and read it themselves and see it with their own eyes. Maybe my mum can explain why she's stolen mail from my mailbox from my Aunt Jo in Lake Havasue City. My son found that and brought that to my attention. Nice hey? Wonder if she knows that's a federal offence. I also wonder how many other things she's stolen from me to protect her secret.
The sad thing is, my mum and my dad are so wrapped up in their own secrets and money and deceit that they'll do anything to keep them looking like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. All I can say is that when their old and alone I hope they realise that they have done this to themselves. My mother had three brothers that have moved away from all the bull and I really can't blame them. One uncle lives in Alberta and as I've been told, actually called up to give my grandmother a piece of his mind after years and years of letting it build up and well, now they don't speak anymore. My other uncle lives in a nearby city but refuses to acknowledge he's a member of the family... I know why now. Then there's the third uncle who lives in Toronto and well, noone in the family acknowledges him or he us.
My mother gave me her insight into this ages ago when she said that my grandmother was the biggest floosey going and that each childed was fathered by a different man. Hmmmm... truth or fiction? Who knows, as my mother was angry with my grandmother when she said this. That all started over an oil painting my grandmother gave to my sister that my mother wanted and well, because my sister was given it, my mother didn't speak to my grandmother for almost 2 years. Resulting in many "grandma slaggings" everything from my grandmother being a big hosebag and a coniving old hag doing anything to get what she wants etc etc. For whatever reason this "feud" ended and now their the best of cohorts.
My sister and I have one of the strongest relationships now more than ever as we've both decided that enough was enough and even though it looks like my mother ended the relationship with both of us, it was actually us who distanced ourselves from her and her lies. We compared notes and found that we were both being played against the other for years. My mother telling my sister how great I was making my sister feel like crap, and my mother telling me how sad and needy my sister was making me feel like I had to be sick to be important or get any attention from my parents. In short both my sister and I resented the other. It doesn't just stop there, but has continued on to our children. My mother has four grandchildren but only wants to see or acknowledge my son Carter. She doesn't call the others on their birthdays or see how their doing etc. Only my boy. So it presents challenges to my son when he sees his cousins and they're angry with him because he gets presents or used to get phone calls etc. from the grandparents. It's terrible that my mum can't see that she's the only person at fault here.
It was pointed out to me that my mum was like a spoiled baby in a playpen crying because she's crowed by toys.. You know... surrounded by too many toys so she throws them out one by one. Then when she's thrown out the last toy, she's still crying because now she has no toys. Goodness sakes it's her to a "T". Obviously you realise that the toys were her family and now she's lonely and feeling hurt but noone wants to go back. We've wised up. All I can say is I hope that she and my dad are happy. They deserve each other and I hope they both live long lives as I'd hate to see either end up old and alone.
Have I missed anything, sure I have, but this website can only hold so much text and well, I'll have more news I'm sure next month so I'll save it for later. I don't want to use up all of my space.
Mom - Dad, Thanks for making me the person I am. I'm definitely wiser and stronger for your unending love and guidance... *yeaaaaaaaaah right*
Cheers all, and thanks for letting me go on like this. I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted.
Dani, Greg. All the best to you too :) :P
Of course this is all alleged ;)
27/10/03
Well, it's been over a month now since my last entry. I thought I had better take the time to mention a few things.
Gavin and I have been exceptionally busy planning a few things. Can't tell you what, just yet as there are a few people we're trying to surprise so if I posted it here, it would be like shooting ourselves in the foot.
Work has been prosperous for us both. The fruits of our labours are starting to come into harvest. It's so rewarding knowing the hard work one put into something pays off. The sacrifices are for not and we can't wait until we can share our news.
I've become sadly addicted to a few television shows but it's nice to know Gavin shares my interest in them so it's not like I'm watching T.V. all the time and he's out at the pub or on the pc upstairs working. One show that I find quite interesting is one called e-LOVE on the wnetwork. It chronicles the details of people who have met online and what their experiences are when they meet in real life. It's sad that not all episodes turn out as fantastic as Gavin's and mine but hey, I guess we were a couple of lucky fools who took the risk and it paid off.
I had taken the time to submit an e-mail to them suggesting they have a follow-up show or even information on where to begin, should the relationship work and one of the two would like to move to the other. Gavin and I had to work blindly through trial and error but fortunately we're smarter than we look and we were able to muddle along without too many issues. As I'm sure you've read on Gavin's page, he's received his work permit, he's waiting for his permanent residencey papers to arrive and we're all set. It's only been a one year + process.
The other good news? Well, we'll have Gavin's boys over from Sweden for Christmas/New Years this year. The boys seem to be really excited about travelling to Canada or "Canana" as Kyle calls it. I think Gavin will have an ample amount of time to learn "dog speak" apparently Kyle can speak to his puppy Molly and he said he'd teach Gavin how to talk to Molly as well. I'm looking forward to the boys finally meeting their step-brother and I know Carter is equally excited about meeting Kyle and Ryan. We would have had the boys meet earlier but my ex still won't allow me to get a passport for my son as he has this deep-rooted fear of flying coupled with the fact that if I take Carter out of the country I won't come back. How absurd. I mean what sort of mother would I be for stealing a child away from his family? If anyone has any ideas on how I might be able to convince my ex on letting my son travel it would be fantastic. Failing that, I'm afraid I may have to go through the courts and ask permission for my son to have a passport to travel for family vacations etc. I really don't want to go through the courts... but hey, you all don't know my ex either.
Carter is now an official Wolf Cub and loving it to the max. He's making new friends, finding new skills and really coming out of his shell. He's also attending a tutor for some additional help with his school work. It's making such a difference. I owe Irma a debt of gratitude for all of her efforts. Hallowe'en is just around the corner and it will be Gavin's first Hallowe'en experience, each year prior he had to fly back to the UK for this or that, just missing the occassion. Carter and I are well excited to see his reaction to all the boils and ghouls with their tricks and costumes. Should be great fun. Carter is going to be the "Grim Reaper" and should look pretty frightening. I have to say, he's picked out his costumes each year and he's done a really good job of looking very authentic for each of them. I'll have to look for the photographs and scan them in.
We should be having a few house guests arriving in December aside from Gavin's boys. A family friend, who flew over to attend our wedding wants to visit. And well, that would be fantastic. He must have liked the fact he could get cider and vegitarian meals at a local pub. Our best man, who couldn't attend the wedding due to a nasty fall off of a horse, resulting in a broken ankle, wants to come over for a visit as well. And Of course Gavin's parents were already planning their next visit back before they had left from their first visit.
We'll I've done it again and rambled on and on, so I'll leave this update signed:
Cheers and Happy Hallowe'en
Kimberley :)
22/09/03
I guess it's an issue of "He said, she said" this entry, as Gavin's put an entry in his diary today as well.
I have to agree with everything he said. We did go to this fantastic pub and made some lovely aquaintances there. Collected business cards, email addresses etc. Hopefully we'll get to know these people a bit better and be able to call them friends.
Seriously though, if you're really wanting to find a great pub going to the "Kildare" house is highly recommended. (You'll find the link to the pub and a great B&B on Gavin's page). Gavin is such a stickler for authenticity and upon entering the doorway of this establishment the room brightened considerably from the beam on his face. I have never seen Gavin smile so much in my life apart from the day we were married. Everything in this pub was so authentic it was almost hard to believe that we were still in Canada.
The cozy atmosphere, the seats, the decor, the millions of glass bottles behind the bar, the woodwork throughout (a bartop so shiney it looked like glass) the beer towels, the displays of beer bottles & cans over the doorways, the wine and beer barrels out for tables and the people. There were so many Irish/Scottish/English accents it really was hard to remember that we weren't in England.
After only intending to visit for a pint or two, we ended up having such a good time before the first pint was finished that we decided to stay so we could enjoy the whole experience which included a fantastic performance by a band called "Tartan Army" Yep, kilts and all. Great music, great people, great hand pulled bitters, what more??? Oh, that's right a place to stay. Within 20 minutes two guys at the bar, Jarleth and Stuart were putting pen to paper and drawing us a map to the B&B of their choice the "Nisbet Inn". Great choice... the room was huge, the service was also exemplary and it too was an "authentic" English Inn. Small pub on the mainfloor, restaurant, gardens, sunroom, lovely rooms upstairs and the friendliest staff rivalled only by the super staff at the "Kildare House"
Now before I go on and on making this sound like a paid advertisement from both places, I just want to say, it's been a long time since we've had service this fantastic and I simply want to give recognition where it is deserved.
Gordy, Jarleth, Stuart, Heath, Chris, Veronica, Annie and Tara at the Kildare house worked above and beyond the call of duty to make two complete strangers feel at home. Hats off to you for a job well done. Funny thing is, Jarleth, Stuart and Veronica don't work there, they're just patrons with great hearts. -- I also want to mention that the food we had at the pub was sensational and yes, it was Fish and Chips but nothing so close to the real thing have we ever tasted outside of England. Kudos to the chef - I don't know what his/her name is but thank you for dazzling our tastebuds so late in the eveing.
Pat and Joe, at the Nisbett Inn, worked well and truly beyond any two people on a busy sunday morning making sure we (and many others) enjoyed our "Coro" session, our fantastic celtic breakfast and bottomless cups of coffee. The lad on the night shift was fantastic too, putting up with a slightly inhibriated Gavin and Kimberley and seeing us off properly with a final pint.
So with all of their combined efforts, after a rough weekend a week earlier, and not really having the chance to "honeymoon" properly, everyone mentioned above made our "night out" a most fantastic romantic second "honeymoon-like" weekend.
Cheers to all of those involved :)
Kimberley :)
2003-08-21
Married life with Gavin is more than what I could have hoped for. We've had a lot of congratulations and best wishes. I still can't believe that we found each other on a dating site. It's now not embarrassing telling people how we did meet. Strangely enough, people find it quite romantic. How society changes hey? Ages ago we would have been looked at as though we were from Mars for meeting online and now it's considered romantic. Good thing we didn't listen to anyone but ourselves about the internet or else we would never have decided to meet. The only thing I can suggest about meeting someone online is that you don't spend all of your time online with them. Get out and meet them as soon as possible. I mean why invest all of your time into an "online only" relationship? What if you meet after a year and there's no physical chemistry even though you hit it off well online? What then, you can't get your time back and chances are you'll never speak to the other person again after finding that it doesn't work. So with that all I can suggest is to get out there, meet under the safest of circumstances and then see if it's worth persuing. Time is a precious commodity don't waste it. Listen to me... rambling on and on... I'll shut up now and leave you to it but before I go, thank you again to all those who continue to wish Gavin and I the best.
30-05-03
Here is the announcement that will be in the paper.
2003-05-30
Gavin and I are getting Married on the 7th of June, 2003. It's been a long time waiting and are both quite pleased and elated that the day's finally arriving. We have approximately 7 people flying over from the UK for the occassion. What started out as a small wedding is now a bit larger. Roughly 35-40 wedding guests plus more for the receptions. We've been really lucky to get thing organised as quickly as we have. I though that once we hit April we wouldn't make the date for the 7th of June, much to our delight the date was still available and we've been running around like whirling dirvishes sorting out plans etc. The ceremony will be beachside at a private residence and then the reception will be held at a banquet hall afterward. We're stoked at the efforts all of our friends have made to make it to the wedding and to help out in any way imaginable with regards to extra bedding for our out of town guests, decorations, free accomodations at the spa the day of the wedding and our stag/doe night... which incidentally is the 31st of May, (being tomorrow night) Keep you posted as things unfold. Cheers... :) Kimberley xxxx 15-05-03
Here's a link to our wedding page. Our Wedding
19-03-03
It's been a while since I've updated the page again... sorry for the delay...we've just had alot of things on the go and not enough time to sit down and write a meaningful update. I've also had a nasty fall and injured my ankle -- found out today that I'll be on the mend for five more months...Also have to have my rotator cuff examined and have some physio done on my shoulder/ankle due to the fall (shoulder is the result of a fall from last year and NO I WASN'T Drunk either time I fell). Mind you the upside to all of that though? Painkillers... YEAH!!!!
As you know Gavin and I had planned to get married last year on the 7th of June but due to a few unfortunate snags *those being my ex and Gavin's ex* we had to post-pone the wedding. BUT Finally, now after all of the bickering, the travelling back and forth, the lawyers visits, the everything that was getting in our way... We are now able to set the date again for the 7th of June, 2003. Same date only a year later.
My divorce has finally come through, Gavin's immigration is underway, our children are doing well and Gavin and I are now living together - smashing :) We've purchased a new car, we have started to make the house "Our Home" and we are thinking of buying a home together in Canada. Who would have thought that meeting someone on the internet by chance/fluke or whatever you choose to call it could mean so much happiness. I don't know what I did that day to have found Gavin but I thank my lucky stars that I did it.
Hopefully, I'll get the chance to update the page a bit more often but who knows the next time I come online to do it, I may very well be "Mrs. Gavin Smith" :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
By the way, I've uploaded some photographs of our trip to Paris in which we celebrated our "first anniversary" can you believe we've now been together for a year and a half already. Time does fly when you're having fun.
05-01-03
After being ill for the last seven/eight day's and the flurry of events before during and after Christmas and New Years Day, I've finally found some time to sit and update the site.
First I'd like to send belated best wishes to everyone for the new year and I hope that you've all have a fantastic Christmas. I still keep my fingers crossed that more and more people remember what Christmas is and not the commercialised mess that it appears to be about these days. I digress.
Gavin and I had our hopes dashed of being able to spend this Christmas with all of our boys. One can never give up right? We'll try again next year. At least we know our children were happy, that gives us some peace of mind.
Gavin is now the proud owner of an Ontario Driver's licence and with that he had to buy himself a new car. *actually he purchased the car before the licence - confidence is everything isn't it?* I suppose the licence is just one step of many on his way to becoming an official Canadian. Still have a few more things to do for the application but hey... closer and closer we get :).
There's not really much to say because things have been slow for us -- unusual. We've made lots of new english friends here in our city at our new "old haunt" Puck Around Sports Bar & Grill and have made our way across the border once or twice to the Huron Athletic Club for a few nights out.
As always we've got a ton of photo's of us with new and old friends but haven't had the chance to upload them. I think I'll ask Gavin for a hand on that as he's actually the techie out of the two of us. I know this hasn't been much of an update but for what it's worth, I did try.
Lardman, Nigel & Sara et al, Mum & Dad, The Brothers Smith and their partners & families, Maria & Danielle, Anders & Johanna, Heather (way down in Oz with her mum), Caryn et al, Bill & Jen, Shelley, my mother & father, Tracy et al and everyone else near and dear to us: Best wishes for the new year and thanks for putting up with Gavin and I. I know we're big children but life's around only once so we'll enjoy it as much as we can and leave being old for later :)
We love you Carter, Kyle and Ryan :) xxxxxx
Cheers all
Kimberley :) & Gavin too :)
19-11-2002
Just a quick update to say we've got a lot of work ahead of us. We had our meeting with Elaine Wegman of Canada Immigration. Fantastic Lady, really helpful and it's quite evident this woman knows her stuff. All of our questions and concerns were addressed quite professionally. Gavin and I left the meeting with a feeling of relief. We know now, that the road we've been travelling together has not been in vain. We know that there is indeed a great chance that Gavin's immigration to Canada will be sorted in a span of time that is liveable for all of us and we'll be able to marry :)
I'll include the link to Elaine's site, should anyone reading this page require a good immigration consultant for Canada. I mean with the power of the internet, more and more people are meeting and dating long distance and finding they are meeting the people they want to commit to lifelong. So who knows, maybe the link will be of service to you as it has been to Gavin and I.
Please note her address has been changed to 388 Dundas Street, Second Floor Unit 201. London, Ontario. Elaine Wegman Consulting
11-11-2002
10-11-2002
Wow, I must be on a roll or something... I better get off, there are crumbs in my arse. :) I know bad pun, but hey I couldn't resist.
All I mean to say is, that I've actually updated this page within a week.
Met a fantastic lady this weekend, finally someone that gives me a run for my money where conversation is concerned. I mean, I had my meal completely devoured and she had to have hers wrapped up. She says because she filled up on the appetiser, but I think it was because she talked so much that it got cold. *lol* Not only that, but she didn't like the christmas decorations being up in NOVEMBER!! (Gavin loved that) and she loves seafood, ceasars and can wrap several stories all into one without losing me -- not an easy task.
The day flew by like that *snaps fingers* and it was really difficult to say bye, as I was having such a nice time. Here's to many more. Hopefully, I didn't scare her off and she's still willing to meet Gavin. May the angels be smiling on her when that day comes. Either that or may she have an over abundance of Tylenol 3's to help with the heachache of meeting up with both of us at the same time.
Shelley, thanks for the laughs and the fantastic day :) Monumental to say the least :) *<-said with her telephone accent*
Cheers all
Kimberley :)
PS: If that lady is wearing your unmentionables (if she managed to squeeze into them that is) I'll keep my fingers crossed that they cut her circulation off to a point. :) :P Imagine the injuries that could happen if the EMT's have to cut the elastic to free her??
08-11-2002
Almost another month passes since my last entry. I'm starting to see a pattern here.
Only a few more days as the clock counts down until Gavin's here. :) *happy dance* PERMANENTLY!!!!
My divorce is on the way through :) and apparently won't take longer than 90 days seeing as it's an uncontested divorce. I guess my ex wants to get rid of me as much as I want to get rid of him. *lol* So when all is done is dusted Gavin and I will be able to plan our wedding FINALLY:)
Reminds me of a joke I heard ealier to night. it goes... "why does a cannibal refuse to eat divorced women?" BECAUSE WE'RE ALL BITTER!!!
Anyhow... with Gavin's arrival due in days... I'm stoked with excitment. We've got so much to do and so many people to meet together. It's amazing making "our" friends. :) I'm really beyond words here.
I don't know what more to say except that it's been the first time in a year that Gavin and I have been apart for so long. The anticipation is killing me. I'm trying to find things to do to fill my time, but to no avail. The best thing to help me cope, but sounds lame is talking to the people I know online and those I've met in real life that have met Gavin and I together. They too can appreciate the anxiety I'm feeling. I'm sure they are as well in their own small way... Those in England waiting for some peace and quiet and those here in Canada waiting for him to stir things up.
Well I suppose I should head out. Try to get some sleep or do some housework or something.
Gavin... I've learned how to cook a bit more so you won't be living on spag. bol. all the time you're here. I've stocked up the house with spices and seasonings, sauces etc. Hope it suffices. If not you know your way around the city. Take the car and shop... shop like you've never shopped before. :)
Well I'm going now. You can all relax knowing the ramble is done and I can go knowing this will be the last weekend Gavin and I will ever spend apart.
I love you Gavin; you, your boys, my boy
and US... :)
Cheers all
Kimberley :)
13-10-2002
Wow, has it been one month passed since my last entry?
Well, I'm back in Canada and the only thing that's great about it is that I'm with my son. Sadly Gavin is still separated from his boys at the moment, but we're working on that.
Gavin and I managed to see alot and do even more. Like drink, eat, um... well, that too, and um... drink, eat and do a little bit more of the unmentioned again. :)
Graham & Jackie, thank you for the Indian Curry and the shedloads of wine. You two are as crazy as we... wait.. I stand corrected you're waaay crazier than Gavin and I could ever hope to be. How fantastic is it that we found friends that make us look normal???? *lol* My mum's still going on about the phone call. Hurry up and email me I need your addy so I can pester you from across the pond.
Mark. Thank you for the insults, tears,
laughter and of course the accomodation and
food. Exceptional you are.... Hey...
BAWWCH BAWWCH BAWWCH BAWWCH... That's you
talking your best that is. :) You know
only you could call me seppo and make me
miss it. Just a small favour to ask you.
Well two actually. :) Make sure you have
some freshy ground black pepper hey limey.
:) and secondly, please wipe off the web
cam when you're done with it. I mean...
really... I know you have to get it really
really close to the
megamagnoelectromicroscope so that it can
be visible to the eye. :) :P :O....
Oh yeah... I swear I can still feel Ms Jane
Au burning my throat... thanks for my
introduction to that by the way.
Duncan... What can I say. You've been a fantastic housemate/little brother/chatterbox. I still hear you giving me such stick for watching copious amounts of UK NOstyle. Click here if you want to see what I'm rambling on about -> UkStyle <- I'm green because well... I MISS DAVID DICKINSON... Waaaaaa ! Btw... good luck cleaning your car out. I know it was a secret ploy to get to drive Gavin's car again. Well done.... did you get Vanessa's help on that one? *grin* And for the record, I SO did NOT wreck the tumble dryer.
Vanessa, Alastair. Thanks for the laughs.. the jeep ride, the intro to TKMaxxx and entertaining me whilst Alastair squirrelled himself away for safety with Gavin in the office upstairs. You know I know you weren't working, you were hiding. :) Happy Belated Birthday Ness :) *hugs*
Barry et al... what can I say. Thanks for letting me lick your head... You do remember that don't you Barry. I have a picture... hehehe... Hey, come to think of it, I have lots of pictures... *lol* Muhahahahahahaha . Did you ever recall how you left your articles of clothing in the garden?????? I wished I'd have stayed up now so I knew. The frightening thing is that Gavin can't remember either. *lol* Hmmmm... mystery forever I suppose.
Gavin... Thank you so much for everything. I miss you terribly but gladly endure knowing it's not forever. Someday soon. :) November is fast approaching and we'll keep our fingers crossed. :) I won't get mushy here except to say I love you and I hope you're smiling every chance you get. Lord knows I am. I do find myself craving mango though. Think you might be able to get some to me when you're here? *S* (OEG MOMENT) :)
Anway, I've likely made alot of you sick or tired or both... Looks like my job is done... I can now go and rest peacefully.
Cheers all, from the Great White North
.....
Kimberley :)
13-09-2002
The countdown has begun until I head back home to Canada.
I arrived on the 26th of July to find my Gavin waiting for me at Gatwick Airport again. We started our journey home on a very warm and sunny afternoon through London to Milton Keynes. Normally an hour's drive but on this day it took five hours because of a horrendous accident on the highway home. A detour through London was inevitable. That's alright it gave Gavin and I some time alone to talk, gawk and smile and coo at each other as we so often do the first day we're together after being apart for so long.
Briefly we've been to Sweden for his eldest boys birthday and to meet his swedish friends, been all over England for various reasons and excursions, we'll be off to Paris on the 20th of September to celebrate our one year anniversary together although it is a week before the date and have a few other things on our agenda. The only thing missing from our happiness is being able to share it at the same time as a family with all of our children.
Gavin and I have made the most of this visit and have really learned what it's like to live together. We'll have been together for one year on the 26th of September and don't regret a single day of our relationship. We've had some ups and downs. We've seen each other at our best and at our worst. We've grown so much as people do when they're in a relationship and we will continue to grow together as each day passes.
This trip I've made a lot of new friends in meeting Gavin's friends and neighbours. I've been able to get to know Gavin's family much better on a more intimate level. It's been strange because I don't feel like I'm being compared to Fia anymore. (Fia is the mother of Gavin's boys and a woman he was in a five year relationship with, which ended long before I came into the picture) I think the comparing of Fia and I occurred during the first two trips here and quite possibly the first part of this trip. I do feel quite a part of his family now. Magic! What I have learned more now than ever is that Gavin is most definitely a man that is worthy of having as a friend and confident. I'm feeling quite lucky to be a part of his life but moreover being his fiance. If you ever get the chance to meet Gavin you'll see why I feel so lucky. He is a man of impeccable character fine moral fibre.
Gavin and I have had some real trials and tribulations during the course of our relationship as I'm sure we'll have many more. What is important though, is knowing that together we can overcome most anything.
Well, I suppose I'll stop rambling again and head off to seize what's left of this day.
Cheers all,
Kimberley :)
11-09-2002
Just a quick message to a super person who logs on every day to check what's what... Gavin is doing well Mr. Lardman. Thank for the message in the Guestbook. It brought a smile to Gavin's face and a tear to his eye.
You "poisoned" us well and truly beyond what we were expecting when we were last over for a meal. Mind you, you more than made up for it with breakfast the next day. Who knew banana's in caramelised molasses sugar served with Ben & Jerry's ice cream could pack such a punch with the champagne :)
Thank you so much for your kindness. We'll have to do it again soon, except that you stay with Gavin and I in Milton Keynes and we cook for you. *looking to make sure we have fresh peppercorns for the peppermill* I promise to do my best to make sure that Gavin smiles all the time whilst you're over.
Take care you big goofball. :)
Cheers and much love to you
Kimberley & Gavin :) <-- that's a sideways
smile incase you didn't know by now.
10-09-2002
What do I say today? Hmmm... for a change? Nothing!! I bet some of you are relieved. :) :P :O
...HOWEVER, I do love you Gavin xxx
04-07-2002
Just a bit of a ramble. I'll try to keep it short... it's more a question than a ramble I think. But here it goes.
Why is it that where you are is the place to be? It doesn't matter where you are, or what you're doing but for whatever reason, once you're there everyone else has this desperate need to be there as well? I mean I could be looking for a film that's so obscure, so pathetic, so old that it's in the aisle of the video store that's covered in cobwebs and dust... but the second and I mean The VERY second I get there, all of a sudden I'm swarmed??? WHY???
It happened again whilst I was at the beach with my son.... UGH... Not a soul there at 1:00pm. The whole beach to choose from... and where do they sit? directly beside us. Not just one or two people, but two mums and their untamed wild-beast children. Kicking up sand, throwing rocks into the water, yelling and fighting and carrying on like you wouldn't believe. I figured you know, the mum's would say something but no, they completely ignored all seven children, leaving them to fend for themselves, why they, being about 200+ lbs crammed into their bathing suits *ick* sat back and ate chips and gabbed about their wild weekend... God, how annoying.
What I'm trying to suss out is how drunk do you have to be to actually sleep with something like that and knock out a few kids... well from what I can tell I don't think it was the same father for any of the kids, some were melato, some were half-bred indians, one was cross eyed, some were fat and one was pale? go figure. In the immortal words of Bill Hicks: "these are my children: meet pizza delivery boy jr., this here's, cableman jr., this here is newspaper boy jr., this is will-work-for-food jr. THUNK!!!!" I think these were the people he was making referrence to. And by golly, wouldn't you know they live here in Sarnia.
Must be the chemical plants wreaking havoc on the populous. Makes me wonder what people think when they see me. Goodness knows, I'm likely the source of someones rant on their own webpage. But regardless... I've gotten this off my chest, I've hurt not one person with the way I've chosen to do it and well, now I know I can sleep easier tonight. I have to dash now, Law & Order is on and well, what more needs to be said?
Cheers all...
Kimberley :)
03-07-2002
LJC: What part of go away don't you understand?
12-06-2002
Mmm Gavin... how excited are you? Thank you for the phone call. How many days now?? *S* As I said to you earlier today the 15th of June is taunting me like Christmas, Easter *for the chocolate*, my son's due date and my birthday all rolled up in to one. The excitement of waiting to see you again is unbearable.
I love you So much.
This weekend for us will be magic!!! :)
10-06-2002
I love you Gavin.
09-06-2002
Still feel like I did yesterday, but MAN does he make me mad some times. ARGH!!!!! Men can be such babies at times!!! Just like we woman can be such children. I can't believe how this man, that I love with every fibre of my being can work every last nerve of mine without any effort, as I do it all for him. Sometimes I wish he was stupid. It would be easier to get my own way all the time, but NOOOOO I had to fall in love with a smarty pants. Frig that's frustrating as all Heck.
Anyway, Gavin, I still love you but boy am I angry with you right now. The sad thing is... I don't even know why????? But I just am.
*gone to skulk, off in some corner feeling like a big loser for not having friends near by like Gavin does*
Cheers all.
03-06-02
Well what can I say...Different day, same stuff. I started out on the right track as I managed to get up early, get dressed, get out the door in such record timing that I drove my son to school and had time to stop off for a treat at "Tim Horton's", then get my banking done, get to the store for some groceries and be back in the house by 9:15 a.m.
I know, not bad, not bad, the thing is...
I had an appointment at 8:45 a.m. to have my shoulder worked on... bleargh... so now my day if off because I screwed up yet again... AAARRRRGH!!!!!... oh well... how does that saying go???
SH*T Happens.
So I had better pick myself up, dust myself off and go back to bed. *S*
Cheers all :)
28-05-02
Welcome to yet another day. A day which
should be full of happiness and joy, yet,
for some (known) reason feels nowhere near
as good as the day before
A day when one should be bouncing, smiling,
shining, just being happy to be oneself,
yet it all feels horribly wrong. How does
one explain this? Is it because of
distance? Is it because of recent events?
Is it fear of losing one where the
connection is so strong that it hurts?
So, today is the first day back at work for
over two and a half months. I should be
feeling glee at the prospect of sense and
purpose, yet it is missing. The very
essence is not there today. One can only
hope that it returns.
I feel so very empty and alone.
25-05-02
learning lessons the hardway...
Trust no one, never get cheated???
Cheers all, Kimberley :)
14-04-02
Well another month passes and there is so
much more to talk about but much of that
will be left offline because I'm not on
here to spout about the rough patches ex's
can create.
Gavin, after only one week passing since my
departure from England, was again on
Canadian soil 14th March 2002.We spent
another glorious two-plus weeks together.
I wish the circumstances of his flying over
were a bit more pleasant but the visit was
exceptional none-the-less. We managed to
get many a thing sorted and sifted whilst
he was over and when that was finished, our
time was our own.
My son and he were bonding closer than ever
and it was magical seeing them enjoying
each others company without fear. Gavin
met my family this time over and they were
charmed and beguiled. I mean my Dad even
came to meet him on the same level, almost
unheard of. My dad was of the
philosophy... "if they want to see me, they
can come and get me out of the rec room".
So when my dad actually came to the room we
would be socialising in, before Gavin even
made it through the door, that was an
amazing feat. I think we were making my
parents ill with the love and adoration we
were exuding in their presence. My mum was
equally impressed with how much Carter
enjoyed being around Gavin and vice versa.
I think that plays a lot of weight on a
Mother's opinion of her daughters intended.
Okay fast forward a few, Gavin has only
been to Canada a few times and the people
in my hometown are recognising him before
they recall me. How cool is that? It will
make it easy for me when I'm looking for
him... all I'll have to say is: "Has anyone
seen a smarmy, yet witty, english bloke
that really likes his pints?" and they'll
all point. I'm thinking that'll be pretty
convenient.
On the weekend my ex picked up my son,
those were our most devious and fulfilling.
Cooking, playing, drinking some wine et
al, talking about the past with our ex's,
the things we liked and disliked about
them, talking about our children,
parenting, our parents, friends, parties -
past, present & future. Shopping, buying
presents for his boys when he goes home to
see them, groceries etc. So much done in
such little time. It's truly amazing that
we will be spending the rest of our life
together.
I'm sure you've noticed I said life instead
of lives... but when two people have become
so close in the way we have, we no longer
have separate lives, but have only one life
and share it with the other.
Okay I know, I know, gush, gush, gush
right? But hey what do you want for free?
Today is the 14th of April, 2002 and in
another 4 days Gavin will be here again on
Canadian soil. I can't wait. Each and
everytime we lay eyes on each other it's
like it was the first moment all over
again. Still acting like silly little
teenagers in love, alone with the other
when we're surrounded by hundreds... it's
most fantastic and I hope you all find even
just a fraction of what Gavin and I have
found in each other. For if you do, then
you truly know what it is to be happy.
Cheers until next update,
What I will do however is
give a brief update as to what's been
happening in our lives...
Kimberley :)
08-03-02
I can't believe it, I'm back in one piece.
Why is it the trip to is so much nicer than
the trip from?
What happened this trip? Well, I was able
to spend some important time with some
exceptionally special men :) and I met
Gavin's ex, the mother of his two darling
boys Kyle and Ryan. What I thought was
going to be the most harrowing of
experiences turned out to be the most
rewarding. Fia is a lovely woman, with a
good kind heart. I can see what Gavin saw
in her and why he chose to be with her.
She welcomed me into her home and made me
feel very comfortable in what would most
likely be an uncomfortable situation for
many others. I can only hope that my Ex
would take cues from Fia and learn to
behave as such. All Gavin and I want to do
is, what is right for all of our children
first, then each other & the ex's. When My
ex makes it so difficult, it really does
become a strain on returning a gesture of
kindness and not retaliation. I guess you
just can't make all of the people happy all
of the time. Aside from meeting
Gavin's ex, I met all but one of his four
brothers, their partners and more of
Gavin's good friends. We celebrated a
friends 40th birthday, Which I do feel
quite privlege to have attended as it was
supposed to be UK only, no outsiders
allowed. Later that night when the party
moved venues, Gavin and I managed to pull
*English term for inadvertantly picking
someone up* It was unintentional and very
flattering. *big cheesy grin* It felt
fantastic to be confident enough in our
relationship to be able to mingle about
without clutching onto the other for dear
life. Everyone that knew us, said they
knew we were together even when we weren't,
*must have been those "across the room"
glances we were sharing with each other.
Anyway, to be asked if I could be
accompanied to a table for a drink was
strangely fulfilling. When I told him I was
flattered but had to refuse because my
Fiancé was with me *as I pointed Gavin out
and referred to him as that bloke in the
tacky blue shirt* It was extremely ego
boosting to watch this blokes face smile,
yet fall at the same time as I told him.
there is just so much more to tell that
I can't even begin to put a dent in the
surface with the keyboard. I don't think
you all have the day & evening to be
sitting around the pc reading this boring
drivel anyway. So I'll cut it short *yeah
right* and leave it here. To those
that continue to come back and read up on
Gavin and myself, thank you and thank you
for all of your kind words. To those that
have only stopped by once and managed to
make it this far, I hope you weren't too
bored. btw...for Randy's friend the
pumpkin building is the
observatory. Cheers all,
On the way there,
I managed to get upgraded to business
class, transcontinental :) Club world on
British Airways... woo hoo...sleeper chair,
automatic ottoman, fully reclining chair,
way nicer presentation on food & freebies
etc. Remote control for the tv AND free
video games as well as flight attendants
hanging up my coat, spoiling me rotten. The
flight was most comfortable.
Flight back: Economy, sitting beside
people that couldn't speak a word of
english or french *which I might have been
able to decipher* but they were Persian &
Muslim. Talk about nothing in common... but
I managed to do my best. Although when he
pointed to my wine I did think he said
whiskey and not knowing they said "Tea" I
ordered Muslims Alcohol..??? How retarded
was that? Good thing they couldn't
understand me. *lol* so I made the best of
economy class... managed to get myself
completely inhibriated which I'm sure less
than impressed my muslim companians. I
found ways of entertaining myself. Singing
outloud with the headphones on, writing
drunken rantings to Gavin *which when I
read the next day made me laugh* Stood up
in the aisle had a few good stretches.
because I was sitting in seat 38D, I had an
aisle seat, and was only two steps away
from the loo. So that was great I didn't
have to staggar to far when I needed it. I
also aquainted myself with the flight crew
and managed to make their job easier by
serving myself from the alcohol reserves.
They didn't mind, as I was polite and asked
first. So there are perks to economy, you
just need to know where to sit. *grin*
Kimberley :)
16-02-02
Holy crap hey? but you know what? I'm
still alive, I'm still healthy, I'm
surrounded by people who love me, be they
near or far. What more could I ask for?
I know it's not much of an update but
hey... I have added the pages and updated
the site? That has to count for
something?
More recent entries below. I've moved the
"Christmas Card" and The "Poll"and put it
on the "Life is what YOU make of it" page.
That link also includes the top ten best &
worst feelings list as written by R.Belisle
as well as Other various rabbitting's by
your's truly and others friends. :) Have a
look and don't
forget about the guest book there too...
please, I'd love to hear what
you have to say about this page as well --
good bad or otherwise :)
I've managed to copy Gavin's diary and his thoughts to a separate page for those that are curious. I'll likely copy all of the pictures on my opening page to the "Picture Pages" as well to keep things a bit more orderly and maybe speed up the load times for the images.
I thought I'd put the less serious things and fun things on a separate page to keep the site a bit more orderly. That way if you don't like flashing things, wave files, odd bits of humour here and there you don't have to enter that link ever again :) Hope I've made your surfing experience a little more pleasant.
10-01-02
My dear sweet Gavin;
I'm leaving this message here in my diary for you because I have no feelings to hide or keep secret from the world. I'm sure you know how much I love you and how wonderful our time together was.
I loved laying awake at night watching you sleep, I loved the fact that I felt so safe and comfortable that I was able to fall asleep in your arms. I loved that you and I could sit up until three a.m. talking almost every night. I love that we both can lay around like three-toed sloths and not feel guilty for wasting the day. I loved that we were able to make other people smile, laugh and delight in the love we share (remembering the old couple at the coffee lodge). I loved that we got along in every way, shape and form.
I recognise now that although we were created as two different individuals,we were crafted as two pieces belonging to the same puzzle. That puzzle known as US. Our pieces were made to fit perfectly, completeing each other and completing the mystery. Everything from the way we hug, kiss, cuddle, work together in the kitchen, clean up after each other, sleeping positions and odd habits like nail-biting to the way we hold our heads at the computer while working. We can be silent and content with the others presence or talk and laugh and be equally as content. I've never imagined my life as happy as it is now. I owe much of that to you. I look forward to growing and learning so much more of you and sharing as much of me with you as possible.
Driving you to the airport today was difficult. I tried so hard not to cry but feel I failed when I broke down at the gates when you were ready to let go once again. I thought the bravest thing I could do was to give you one last hug and kiss and tell you once I let you go I was going to walk out of the exit and not turn back. I did just that. But please know that it was the hardest thing for me to do in this world. I so wanted to turn my head back and get one last glimpse of you before you walked through the gates but didn't because I knew if I did, you'd maybe turn around yourself and see me standing there in a puddle of tears and I didn't want to make it any more painful than it already was.
After I walked outside, I found my way to the parking level but I was in such a state that I couldn't find my car. So there I was walking around and around lost, crying and missing you terribly. I finally found my way to the car through the mist of tears that was clouding my eyesite and managed to unlock it and climb in. Once I sat inside I noticed how the whole car smelled of your CKOne and I started to cry again. I knew the journey home was going to be long and tedious but moreover it was going to be lonely as I could smell your scent in the car but couldn't reach over to hold your hand as we did on the way to the airport. Feeling you kiss the palm of my hand as it caressed your cheek, feeling the stubble of this mornings neglected shave *S* remembering the taste of your lips on mine as we parted at the gates...
I managed to make my way home and even managed a good smile or two or three knowing that you'd be so pleased and swelling with happiness and pride the second you got home because it would only be a matter of hours afterward that you get to see your boys for the weekend. :) Cuddling them both until all three of you can't take it anymore.
I hope your boys enjoy their gifts from Carter, Maria and the ones you decided on for them at the airport because I know the smiles on their faces will ultimately make your heart sing. Moreso I hope they give you all of the cuddles & kisses you deserve and that it fills your heart with a joy that can help to replace the lonliness of us being apart.
I love you Gavin.
Thank you for asking me to spend the rest of our life together. Thank you for asking me to be your wife. I can think of no better way to spend my life than to be Mrs.Gavin Smith. For you are me Gavin and I am you... We are the two pieces of a puzzle that was created for us in this lifetime. When you're missing from my side the puzzle just isn't complete nor is my heart.
Rest well my Gavin and although I'm not there in your arms, you can always find me haunting your dreams.
I love you,
your Kimberley
xxx/ooo/xxx/ooo
P.S. it says the mood is blue/green now *S*
2002-01-05~this is copied from Gavin's Diary~
Engaged to be married
Picture this.... London Gatwick airport,
Tuesday, 9th October, 2001 around
midday.
A lone Englishman waiting
at the South terminal (I think it was south
anyway) arrivals awaiting the most lovely
person in the entire world. I was that man,
sat there having seen that the flight from
Toronto had already landed ahead of
schedule. This was going to be one of the
most spectacular and most precious moments
of my life, second only to the birth,
happiness and love of my two boys, Kyle and
Ryan.
I was sat there pondering on
whether or not to buy some flowers for the
first time that I were to meet Kimberley in
real life. The choices were there to be
made, and I decided that I shouldn't spend
too much money and that I should try to
find something that would last a long time
and could be taken back to Canada on the
14th October with Kimberley. Most
excellent: some silk roses. Perfect on all
counts.
So, there I was perched on
a seat right in front of the arrivals door.
I didn't want to make it so obvious that I
was meeting someone for the first time, or
to show my anxiety, so I placed the roses
on the chair beside me.
What
seemed like an eternity, but in all reality
was probably only about half an hour, a
couple of ladies sat down beside me. They
hadn't seen the flowers at first and almost
sat on them, but then they realised. The
flowers were picked up and admired. She
thought they were real. Outrageous. She
smelled the flowers and commented on how
lovely they smelt. I passed on the
information that they were in fact made of
silk, but the smile on her face was quite
special. I debated that they were for my
girlfriend who was due through any minute,
but she asked to keep them. Whilst debating
I spotted Kimberley come through. This was
so amazing. My heart melted and I had to
fight back the tears of happiness whilst
advising said lady that she could keep the
flowers.
I almost ran over to
Kimberley, who dropped her bags. We held
each other and kissed for the first time.
It was so amazing that I am not articulate
enough to express even a snippet of how
that felt, except to say that it was meant
to be and that it felt as if we had been
together forever.
That first
embrace seemed to last forever. There was
no one else in the airport. They had all
long since faded into the distant
background. It was just Kimberley and
Gavin. Hang on a second. Reality check. We
are in an airport and are probably the main
cause of chunder at that very moment. Off
to the car we go, cuddling, kissing,
holding hands, smiling, grinning, beaming,
like teenagers in love. It was so special
and amazing.
With the flowers, I
knew that Kimberley would not have expected
any to have been bought, but they had. I
told of the lady who I let have the
flowers, and that meant more to Kimberley
than actually receiving them herself. For
there is another person in this world whose
day had been brightened, and that the
memory of Kimberley and I meeting will be
in her mind every time she casts her eyes
upon those immortal roses. They are as
immortal as the love that Kimberley and I
share.
I hope that your buckets
are not overflowing right now. If so,
please go and empty them to allow more room
for further occurances of the chunder
variety. Otherwise there might well be an
almighty mess.
Fast forward to
15th November, 2001, Toronto airport,
terminal 3. A late flight from Los Angeles.
The plane landed, taxied to its stand and
the doors opened. I ran off that plane,
through immigration and to the arrivals.
There was Kimberley waiting and I could not
have run to her or dropped my bags quickly
enough. Good job that I only carry hand
luggage! Back into Kimberley's arms and
wow! How amazing is that? Mmmmm.
Fast forward again, to the 29th December,
2001. For what seemed like an eternity has
ended and Kimberley and I are back in each
others arms in Toronto. That is so amazing.
How is it possible to love someone so much
that it hurts, a love that feels
insurpassable, yet it grows each and every
day? I am in Canada again, indefinitely,
with the lady of my life. The most amazing
person I have ever met. My best friend. My
partner. My love. My life. The person whose
very essence makes my heart warm, causes
tears of joy to seep from my eyes and roll
down my cheeks. What could I possibly have
done in this world to have been graced with
the gift which allows me to share my love
and life with this wonderful, beautiful,
intelligent, caring, sensitive, honest and
loving young lady? Why would she want to
allow herself to share with me? I am the
most blessed person in the whole world
right now, to be able to share with
Kimberley. Words cannot even begin to
express my feelings. Our feelings. Our
love. Our happiness. Our.... us.... we....
Kimberley and I.
Now, I'm guessing
that you probably need to take a break and
empty those buckets. As for myself, I need
to go and dry my eyes as the emotion that
is welling through my entire body is far
too much for me to hold back.
I am
the happiest man alive today, and that is
thanks to my Kimberley.
Gavin
PS. If you weren't aware, we are
engaged to be married as of yesterday,
Friday, 4th January, 2002.
20-12-01
Less Than
Perfect
What else needs to be said?
If you don't get all of the information, it can't be processed correctly and the outcome is more often than not incorrect.
It happens with computers and so it would seem, it happens with life.
I am less than perfect. Far from it indeed. Maybe my programme wasn't designed properly and It will always run incorrectly. I guess I'll have to remember to check, double check and then triple check before I hit "run" and execute.
Who knows? Who cares? Just know that I'm Less Than Perfect
18-12-01
Wanting to know, needing to know and just knowing...
I have had the wonderful pleasure of having some wonderfully exceptional men in my life. All of which had taken the time in their own way to let me know how THEY felt, which is wonderful and I feel privledged for having had the opportunity of knowing their thoughts and feelings.
I've had the spoils of lavish back rubs and my personal favourite, having my hair brushed for hours on end. I've had long walks and talks, a "date" at a bulk warehouse and I've enjoyed poetry written for me and about me. I've had even at one time, my thoughts captured to precision & relayed back to me in a wonderful guesture that I thought only happened in movies.
I was having a conversation with a then boyfriend ages ago about what it must have been like to receive a letter from a beau way back in the days of quill nib scratched on parchment by the light of a single candle in the night. I was stunned when I received in the mail, scrolls, bound in ribbon, sealed with wax, on homemade paper written with a quill by that very candle in the night that I had described. The "scrolls" were even written in Ye Olde Queen's English. I still have them framed and mounted as they will always remind me of how someone thought my wonders were so special they went to that much trouble to pay attention to them.
In noticing those scrolls I also recall that I was never really asked how I felt about things. How I was? What was I thinking. It wasn't really offered up on the table for discussion unless I mentioned it first? Is that bizaar or the norm? Well I would have to say I would have thought it to be the norm. UNTIL Gavin.
Gavin and I have this ease with each other that words can't begin to describe. I'm sure you've seen our guestbook entries and darn near vomitted because of the sugary sweet overtones. But it's not there for everyone else to read, it is more for us. I understand now what it is like to be in love and not just in love with the idea of being in love.
I do things for Gavin because I want to and need to. I do them for him because I know his reaction ultimately and selfishly spoils me too. I ask him how he's feeling and how his day is going. I'd rather him do something nice for himself or his boys than for I. I want to know he's happy all the time. Unfortunately, even the dreamer in me realises this isn't possible. There will be and have been days that had hurdles to overcome that were mentally and physically exhausting. The overwhelming urge inside me to want to help and make things right in his world surpassed my consciousness. I didn't think about it, I just did it.
In return Gavin shares these same gestures. It's a strange new feeling to be asked what my ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions and plans are. Strange & new? Yes! Wonderful? Indeed. :)
I guess what I want to say is: For anyone that's looking for love and is wondering if you've found it, if you have to wonder then I have to say you haven't found it just yet. For when you do, you don't even ask yourself the question, you just know. :)
And so now I know the answer to that question. "How do you know when you're in love?" Well you know because you don't even ask yourself the question in the first place :)
Thank you
again Gavin for opening my eyes without
ever saying a word :)
I love you my darling, my Gavin
your Kimberley xxx/ooo/xxx/ooo
15-12-01
Speechless...In jest I said: Gavin...
tell me something new...
*lol* you know when you're in a relationship and you're winding up the conversation and you hear the lead-in to something familiar. Well I was joking around when I cut him off and said this: Gavin "tell me something new". What was said next will be judged by many as "corny" or "insincere" because I have this feeling that not everyone can allow themselves to be open minded and happy for others, there's always a skeptic in the crowd. No I'm not saying that its you... I'm just saying that there is always one somewhere. They should maybe alter that old familiar quote to read as such...
"You can be sure of three things in this life time... Death, Taxes & a skeptic in every crowd"
I digress...
what was said to me left me teary and
speechless because, well, it just did... I
was completely unprepared for what was said
and the manner in which it was said...
"Kimberley,
picture this... A mountain top,
blanketed in fresh snow, very pure looking,
the temperature -50 degrees C with
windchill. The sun shining and every thing
looking lovely and new. Everything is
peaceful. When you breathe in the air is
pure, crisp and fresh. It's amazing.
I've been there to experience that feeling
and know of it".
"Well you Kimberley, are exactly like
that. You are that breath of fresh air in
my life, Thank you".
I was stunned and shocked. For that moment, while lost in my thoughts, I know for certain that I was higher than that beautifully discribed mountain top. I will no doubt, be feeling that high all day for having had that piece of his heart revealed to me.
How wonderful is that?
okay would you like me to pass you the bucket now or do you think you can stomache it? *grin*
06-12-01
I'm not sure really what to say here. I think I'll just put some things in point form and chalk it up to life being lived... *S*
BUT seeing as this was done in the spirit of having too much drink AND having suffered an exceptionally harrowing week... I can honestly say, no harm done. I'm also flattered beyond words to have had this friendly banter and the opportunity to hear the laughter of this extraordinary young man, ring in my ears over the telephone from across the big pond.
It's wonderfully sweet knowing it was me he called because even in his drunken state, it was I that filled his thoughts and me he wanted to hear :) ~~ Either that or everyone else's numbers were engaged... *lol* guess I'll never really know now... will I?
~Courtesy Gavin Smith~
Life is what you make of
it......
On a more positive note.....
Life is what you
make of it, and is full of
choices................... You can enjoy
and be happy, or you can hate and be
miserable. You have a choice, and that
choice will always play a vital part in
what you do, who you are, and how others
perceive you.
Gavin Smith - 31st May, 2000
Why is it in a state of inhibriation we
seem to think we are capable of the
grandest of things? I personally think I'm
a cordon bleu chef, top graduate no less.
I mean when I cook an omlette, I
COOK an omlette. I
apparently used every bowl, whisk, grater,
egg flip and pan to make this omlette not
to mention all the ingredients I mustred
up. Marscapone cheese, yellow & green
peppers, onion, black olives, mozzarella
cheese, garlic salt a bit of oregano &
basil to boot. I didn't even know I kept
that food in the house??? I wonder if I
used an apron and made a makeshift chefs
hat too??? It wouldn't surprise me.
Anyways, for the mess I made you'd think
I'd have some recollection of how marvelous
that omlette was. However, my memory is
playing up with me right now, teasing me
for my behaviour last night. I'm sure
later, much later I'll be relaxing and burp
and then I'll find out just how good that
omlette tasted... *lol* You grossed out
yet? I think I grossed myself out with
that comment. Sorry, but hey--it's life
burp or explode? I think I'll burp thank
you very much.
Okay...next order: check for injuries:
I'm done checking for bruises. Alas, nary
a scathe. *S* I must have behaved. That
or I was rolling around like a big ole 3
toe'd sloth from having a belly full of
omlette and I couldn't get my carcass
moving fast enough to cause any bruising
upon impact. OH No... Wait, I remember
now...I was in an old chat room that I used
to frequent. I was catching up with some
Swedish friends and some old chat buddies.
*LOL* OMG... *quickly goes to old chat to
see if the history is still there*
YIKES... it is... *scan scan scan* Okay,
nothing terribly out of place... *whew* I
can go back. *grin*
I'm going to go lay down now before
anything else rushes to the fore-front of
my memory. If that were to happen I'd need
a drink... and well hmm... its after
midday, so I guess that would be okay, but
wait then I'd be here -again- tomorrow
rehashing more foggy events from a drunken
stupor.
We can't have that now, Can we??
*lol* you know when you're in a
relationship and you're winding up the
conversation and you hear the lead-in to
something familiar. Well I was joking
around when I cut him off and said this:
Gavin "tell me something new". What was
said next will be judged by many as "corny"
or "insincere
24-11-2001
My
Gavin
What can I say... well I can say lots actually like I'm:
Extremely happy and content that he's home and safe.
Proud of the man he is and will be.
Excited that he's learned more through his adventures and grown as a person.
He's learned to trust more fully, the strength of our relationship and in doing so was able to reveal a difficult truth regardless of what the consequences might have been. For that and much more I love him dearly.
I'm so very proud that he chose to love me and to trust. That i proved worthy enough to earn his heart. I will never forsake our love, our trust, or his heart for the rest of the days of my life.
I'm sure that you all are gagging right now and thinking... gees woman don't put this drivel up here for the cyberpopulous to read. I'm sure that you're not impressed one iota about this entry but tough, its my diary. :P *na na na na* So settle down, I'll be brief so you can move on to other things if you haven't done so already.
Now Gavin and I have only known each other for a brief while but in this time we've learned so very much of the other. Likes, dislikes, you know the same old, same old. Yet at the same time, it wasn't the same nor was it old. He and I are very much alike and share a lot of similar views on life, love, family, friends and yes, sex <-- very much different than love.
I've had the wonderful pleasure of meeting Gavin's family, his wonderful boys, his fabulous friends and spending a lot of quiet time with him. One week together in England. Three days in Toronto, and soon another 8 days here at my house. We'll be sharing our first New Years together and I'm more excited than ever because he's so very excited.
We talk and chat over the phone with our webcams on and delight in the others smiles and sometimes get choked up with emotion. Its the best, always concerned with the other ones feelings, not having to ask, but wanting to ask. Not having to do anything but wanting to do everything, just to see the other smile :)
When he kisses me I feel it all the way down to my toes. Its incredible seeing as i've never had that feeling before. I was always told when you find the "one" when he kisses you, it will be felt from your head, all over and down to the tips of your toes. I thought to myself, yeah yeah, right and chalked it up to myth. Then the first kiss Gavin gave me at Gatwick almost made my knees go and my legs buckle. My toes were tingling and I was gone... off into my own little world. Everything and everyone was gone, they faded to black and it was just us.
I must say thank you to my friend Barb,(who I'm sure will never see this, but still she might) for sharing me the secret to knowing the difference between love and lust.
Gavin, if you're reading this, I love you. Thank you for all that you are and for sharing, with me, what I see within your remarkable smiling eyes.
I love you my
darling, my Gavin
Your Kimberley :)
xxxx/oooo
28-10-01
Orshdy Dordy Bork Bork
Bork
Yuoo knoo, elut ooff
peuple-a dun't knoo thet I speek flooent
Svedeesh Cheff, es a metter ooff fect, I
use-a it meeenly tu get myselff oooot ooff
jeckputs. Um gesh dee bork, bork! :)
I'fe-a seemply sterted telkeeng tu peuple-a
leeke-a thees und zeey luuk et my leeke-a
I'm a jeebbering geet. Um de hur de hur de
hur. Must teemes effter tryeeng tu sooss
oooot vhet I'm seyeeng, zeey'll tuss up
zeeur hunds in deesgoost und try tu velk
evey. Bork bork bork! Yuoo theenk I'd let
sleepeeng dugs leee-a, boot nupe-a. Nut
me-a. I'll gu effter zeem und esk "vhet's
zee metter, dun't yuoo understund me-a" in
vheech cese-a zeey loogh oor roon evey.
Bork bork bork! *lol*
Try it vhee yuoo're-a beeeng mubbed in zee
secshun ooff zee feedeu sture-a und see-a
hoo qooeeckly peuple-a veell gu evey
*veenk*
Cheers :) Kimberley
22-10-01
Tired... Just so bloody
tired...
Of what you ask? I'll tell you. I'm tired of blokes, men, guys, boys etc naming themselves a clever nickname only to soil it with 69... what's that all about? Is that supposed to attract us or is that just to show you have no inkling of what an original sense of humour is? I'm just curious. I think I would be more inclined to talk to someone that was say Mr.Man over Mr.Man69. I mean please.
The other thing that's tiring me is this endless barrage of ladybugs... where in the hell have they come from? I heard it had something to do with an over rampant aphid populous and these particular ladybugs were introduced to get the aphids in check.
Unfortunately the birdies don't like those particular sort of Orange ladybugs as compared to the rich crimson Ladybugs. So here I am stuck in this world with too many ladybugs and too many men with nicknames that end in "*.69". Goodness help the person that enters the site with the name ladybug69. *lol*... Gees i'm tired. I need sleep or another beer. I'm just not sure yet. I guess I better drink on it... Oops think on it.
SMILE all and have a good one :) thanks for stoping buy and reading yet again :)
19-10-01
Deep Thought For the
Day
"Instead of a trap door, what about a trap
window? The guy looks out it, and if he
leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I
guess that's like a regular window."
-Jack Handey
2001-10-16
Post Traumatic Vacation Syndrome
Traveling the "Kimberley" way. UGH... after leaving Gatwick with a tearful good-bye I found myself sleeping with a new man already... *lol* relax it was the guy sitting next to me on the plane and we were both exhausted and needed rest.Have I told you I can't sleep sitting up? At one stage of the game I was leaning back, my mouth flung open like a barn door and likely snorting and grunting like an ired bull.I also recall at one point I was worried and dreaming, woke myself up because my head did that speed wobble thing and I was flinching. I quickly looked around to assess the situation only to find myself being stared at by a young couple across from me. I think they were stiffling their laughter, so as to make me feel less foolish than I did already.
I digress...the plane was in Toronto in short order. It truly is amazing what a good sleep can do to make time pass.
Did I tell you I don't travel exceptionally well? With that said, I must have looked like something you'd find behind the fridge when you finally feel ambitious enough pull it out and clean behind it. This must have been why everyone was looking at me like..."wow lady... you're scaring my youngest and frightening my wife go put some makeup on or something". So with that I decided for the betterment of Canada I had better make a break and get prepped for the long wait and hassles in the airport. I cleared the airport security, amazing in its own right and realized that me being the free spirit I am failed to call ahead and make arrangements for transport from YYZ to my humble abode. Off on the next leg of my journey -- to begin a new adventure. After smiling and cooing and using my freshly done face and womanly wiles to try and get the fastest lift home, I managed to get a ticket on the greyhound shuttle to London, Ontario at 5pm. Not bad considering I was told I wasn't going to make it in time because it was 5 to 5 then. Excited I managed to get them to book me, and give me enough time to run to the News Agency and pick up a bottle of water and gum. I got back and BAM -- off we go. Homeward bound.
Normally I would be quite happy and content to just sit back and relax but I didn't have time to get water, gum AND go to the washroom so here I was sitting on a REALLY bouncy bus on the 401. Having rubbed salt into my own wound I stupidly drank half the 750ml bottle of water and could feel my bladder screaming at me. "How dare you Kimberley, drink all that water and leave me in this state. I'll show you" ...and the bus bounded and jolted me all over the place. What was I to do? I never ever used the toilet on a bus before but I had to... ICK ICK ICK. I'll never ever ever do that again. EVER but needless to say, I felt much better and was able to sleep the trauma off while travelling the rest of the way to London.
As it would seem it's not terribly attrocious a story but when you're tired as hell and desperately wanting to be home, it's then that everything goes pear-shaped. The bus I managed to get to London so I could be home early was on time. BUT the driver that was driving to my hometown was still on the Highway driving the 6:15 to London MEANING I had to sit in a bus terminal for an hour and a half. UGH... I did what any level headed person would do. Made a million phone calls to pass the time, find the nearest fast food joint and pig out, then sit there and beg for someone to strike me down and put me out of my misery because I had just finished tying up all my loose ends.
Fast forward another hour and I'm home. FINALLY... I call a Taxi almost wrap my arms around him, beg him to race me home like a teenager with his new drivers licence and promise I'll tip him largely if he does. TADA!!! I'm home. But wait. I don't have my house keys. :( Its raining out side, cold and dark. FRICK.. what else. My home was mocking me for being gone so long. I had to get nasty. I had to break in my own home. NOTHING was going to keep me from my bed. I finally get in the house after pushing my window through and hoisting my 5'4 average built frame up about 5' of wall -- huffing and puffing, wailing and begging for some unseen force to give my huge wailing ass a good shove through the window. Alas.... I'm home. I kneel down and kiss the floor, scream sanctuary and proceed to huddle in the corner in a semi-fetal position vowing, next time I'll just rent a damn car and be done with it. Okay...so that said. I must say.
2001-10-15
I'm back... as if it matters... *grin*
I've been on hiatus for the last week. I managed to squeak in a vacation where I didn't think it was possible. Amazing what a little perseverance and implementing slight emotional detachment can do for a person. If I'd have given up or let my emotions get the better of me, I'd not have had the opportunity to be included in a very exciting, very rewarding, very beautiful persons world. I was able to see first hand the joy of a little boy burst through the surface as he finally was able to buy his most wanted "toy". At that stage of the game, I wasn't sure who was smiling more, he for his purchase or I for his excitement. It’s a rare thing to see this day and age, where a person smiles completely from within allowing it to smear all over his face and into the eyes. It was such an amazing sight to capture and one I’ll feel privileged to have in my memories.
Wow, I have so much to say yet so little time and space to say it. So I won’t bore you with the details today, I’ll just sign off and make another entry some other time when I’m NOT jet lagged.
Take care and "cheers" *grin*
2001-10-06
Want to be Busy? Try Taking A
Vacation...
As a realtor, I was told by someone in my business a while back that if you want to be busy when things are slow going, just try to get away for a week and then you'll be so busy you won't be able to get away.. LOL ~ Okay having now put that theory to the test I've come to realize... that WOW its true. However, I'm not one to follow along in the trails created by others I like to blaze my own. I like the idea that in a field of long grass on a still day, my path can be seen and I like the knowledge the others may see the path I've taken and decide there's more choices and it could very well be better to be a shepherd instead of one of the flock. Don't get me wrong, I'm not likely to get wild and table dance just because all of my friends are in the pub relaxing around the table and I want to be different. Hmmm... food for thought though isn't it? I digress...
The point I'm trying to make is just this: I've gotten the opportunity to get away for a week and learn alot about myself, others and the chance to see what's what. I wouldn't miss this for anything. So... as it is I'm giving up a fistful of cash I'm sure, by taking off for the learning experience. If this isn't proof that I'm not like other realtors or most other people for that matter-- I don't know what is.
2001-10-04
Matter of Opinion I suppose...
I've recently come across some interesting rants and raves on the internet. A few funny, some serious. I don't want to lessen those particular rants by adding to or picking apart their theories. After all isn't that what a good rant is, a ways and means of expressing your "own personal opinion" of a certain situation, idea, practice, current affair or what-have-you? I digress... I had a few rants a while ago I wish I'd have saved them, I'll have to think of a new one and see what happens.
*dusting the cobwebs out of the attic to see what spills out on the page* Okay well I can't really find anything in which I really feel strongly enough to rant on about. So I guess I'll just waffle and possibly even prattle on about opinions and people. I think its funny how people interpret the word opinion I suppose...
o·pin·ion (n.)
Okay and so anyway, having displayed the above definitions for your own personal benefit, I was just curious as to how many actually use the word opinion in its more common form, which would be definition 1.? I wish I could see a show of hands or maybe you could sign the guest book on this one so I know :) As I've been here and managed to carry on conversations with many sweet and lovely people I've also noticed that alot of people mistake defintion number 4 for definition number 1. Not meaning any harm of course but merely to get their sometimes unsolicited number 1 defined opinion closer to that of the number 4 defined opinion in which case some sort of ettiquette is broken is it not? If an ettiquette is broken is it not a law of manners that would be violated? If a law is violated is it not a broken law? If a law is broken is it not to be taken to court to be ruled upon by a judge and/or jury to draw to the sensible conclusion or opinion that they should be punished?? I think punishment for failing to realize the difference between number 4 and number 1 should be the firm fastening of the offender to a flogging pole and made to suffer an almost intolerable yet not quite torturous amount of floggings with a slightly al dentè noodle ~ one of them loooooong thick homemade buggers... so in fact their opinion has in some lefthanded way, really made its mark. :) or :( depending on who you are and what your stance on this issue is. ...anyway, that's just my opinion on this. :)
2001-10-02
Day 7, 8, 9 & 10 Consecutively.
Well what can I say. I sell real estate and although I'm good at it, it doesn't mean i'm phoney and unethical. So its taken me like forever to sell my first house coz I want to make sure the people are happy, well advised, educated about the process etc. and I won't strong arm them into anything, just to make a commission. So that being said, I've worked the last four days putting this deal together and going through it all with them verbatum so they know exactly what's going on. so now because of that deal getting together, i've been over the moon with excitment and well... a little inhibriated more than usual. Only after the papers were signed and the i's dotted, the t's crossed of course. So let me say that as a rule, most of us real estate agents aren't all bad; mind you there are a few that are nasty hounding buggers that you have to send the dogs after. I'm NOT one of those. I'd rather starve than harrass people. okay so this one was boring, then next one might not be... I'll try harder... but you know what.... I would like to go on rant... but I'm still trying to supress the urge. anyway... sorry for the boring read. stay tuned I'm going to get yet another bottle of red wine. *lol*
2001-09-29
Day Six
Okay... slightly inhibriated, um, lack of sleep, eyes bloodshot, losing sanity and grip on reality. someone hold me I'm scared. *looking over shoulder* Not you, you *pointing at you*... Do you know where sleep is and how I can get it? Someone anyone... I need sleep... NurseJerry has abandoned me have no supply of Nyquil. Can't stop fixating on the points question. I've been asked so many times the same questions over and over again, i've lost all sense of time I do believe this is day six it could very well be day twenty six for all I know. I'm only going by the last entry. I'm so tired...if anyone finds me staggaring around please direct me to the nearest coffee pot or soft fluffy pillows...
2001-09-28
Day Five
Okay, I'm learning alot about this site, what it is capable of and what it isn't in the same respect. I've undertaken the challenge of seeking some answers to some questions that have been posed to me. Be patient and stay tuned to see If I can painstakingly and meticulousy refine the jumbled mess into something that can actually make sense.
2001-09-28
:)
2001-09-28
Day 4
So far, I've managed to find out from a nice english bloke what the points are related to. (the points at the top of the profile that is ~ I've sort of figured out what the points at the bottom of the profile are for).
I still don't know what their significance is though. Anyone at all have any sort of idea? drop me a line in the guest book and enlighten me if you will. I won't rest easy until I find out.
2001-09-27
Day Three
Okay... Question from me to you all... Can you help me find the answer??? Points? What are they for and how do you get them? Don't you think its a bit of a hazzard putting points on a site like this? Especially for obsessive individuals that need to feel acceptance through accumulation of points??
2001-09-26
Day Two
Woke up, nursed a big mug of coffee, while I checked my email and scheduled appointments; to my amazement my inbox was filled with messages. Most polite, some rude, even an offer for a "descreet evening or two" by a married man... hmmm learning more already.
2001-09-26
Day One
Joins Blinddater to see whats what, people seem okay? but hmmm... must come back to learn more...